I swear, sometimes I run across stories that are just too good to be true. I want to thank my girl, Ramona Holloway, for this one. I saw it on her Facebook page.
Move over, Crips and Bloods; there is a new gang in town -- the Tiaras. No, seriously. Florida has been plagued by a gang of drag queens who have been stealing from stores for more than a year.
Local officers report that a group of men wearing wigs and dressed as women, (Hello, that would be drag queens) were arrested for stealing hundreds of dollars of bras, boas and other accessories. (Hey, we are living in a repressed economy, and looking fierce does not come cheaply.)
Three of the men, or “ladies,” were caught in the act Sunday afternoon at an Orlando textiles shop. The manager, Amanda Marshall, was quoted as saying, “It was a whole gang of drag queens.” (I think the technical term for multiple drag queens is a “gaggle.” Lol)
Marshall went on to state: "They were real upset when the police made them take their wigs off."
Well, of course they were upset. What self-respecting drag queen wants to have his mug shot taken bald headed and wigless?
Marshall said the group would order large swaths of expensive fabric and then stuff it "in their man purses and (leave) without paying."
I think the official term is man bag…lol.
"Oh, gosh, they could wipe out a whole section of boas in seconds," Marshall told a Florida paper.
The report states that the drag thieves stole multiple items, including packs of feathers, red lace gloves, false eyelashes, padded bras, butt pads, fishnet tights and several boas and fake glasses.
The visuals of this story is sensory overload. This is a serious movie in the makings. It would be like “To Wong Foo Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar” meets “Set it Off.”
Trailer Announcer: Destiny Michaels, Ima Mann and Chardonnay Blunts are just three small-town ladies with big dreams. They long for the glitz and glamour of the stage and to one day perform in the big city, but their tired Walmart drag and Family Dollar salaries are not enough to make them stars. Follow their journey as a repressed economy, expensive bras and an escalating cost of rubber parts and accessories force them into a life of crime.
Ima Mann: I don’t think I can go through with this. What if we get caught?
Destiny Michaels: You want fame? Well, fame cost, and this is how we are going to pay for it. (Insert French tip open-hand slap to the mouth) Now get in there and snatch some bras!
Police: We have you ladies surrounded. Come out with your hands up and wigs off!
Ima Mann: Girls, what are we going to do now?
Chardonnay Blunts: I tell you what I am not going to do. I am not leaving as a nobody!
(Chardonnay rushes to the dressing room and a few moments later emerges in full glam drag.)
Cue music and police spotlight on Chardonnay Blunts
Chardonnay Blunts, singing: “And I am telling you, I’m not going.”
Announcer: Don’t miss the moving saga of three simple ladies and their heartwarming story filled with crime, passion, dreams and stolen boas. Coming soon to a theater near you!
I challenge you to come up with your own drag queen star name…lol.
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