So I was recently having a conversation with one of my close girl friends, Alease, about relationships. I have so much love and respect for this sister because she is her own woman and lives life on her own terms. Since I have known her, she has sometimes come under scrutiny for dating interracially.
I personally dated multiple cultures back in the day when I took my work as a community liaison very seriously (this is code for man whore….lol). I always related interracial dating to my fixation with a brand new box of crayons: Since I had a choice of 24 colors, why draw with only the green?
We are about to experience CIAA weekend, so this might give some a fleeting sense of hope in the dating pool. This is only temporary, people. You can enjoy the feast, but be prepared for the famine that takes place during drought season…lol.
There are so many African American women that I have known in my family, and also as friends, who, for whatever reason, are not open to dating outside their race. African American men strangely do not seem to have similar issues. It also seems that this reluctance is generational. I see many of my students who comfortably date across the racial divide with little regard to what people may think.
The last time I went home, I noticed that most of my young cousins are dating outside their race. Our family album is starting to look like an old-school United Colors of Benetton Ad.
If this is a trend that continues in our society, then why are some folks, especially African American women, so resistant to the concept?
When I was younger and traveled to Europe, my good friend, Marla, shared this metaphor: She said that for the first time I would understand what it was like to be white, blond and good looking. Marla is a dark-skinned, beautiful, curvy sister who has not always gotten the attention she deserved. Her travels to Europe changed her perspective. She found a bounty of men from many cultures waiting to compete for her attention.
And just as Marla predicted, I found in my travels an authentic appreciation for your cultural uniqueness. Imagine walking into a mainstream club in UPTOWN and having a majority of the patrons genuinely wanting to get to know you, and not in this weird, fetish “let’s sneak out the back before my friends see me” way. It was this experience that led me to understand that our narrow, Western concept of beauty has skewed our own perception of our own cultural beauty, worth and relevance.
I wonder if more black women were able to see themselves though this global lens if they would be more receptive to the attention that awaits them from so many other suitors?
I have queried many African American women in this ongoing discussion and have heard their worries. So I offer Professor Locs’ Top Five concerns that black women have about interracial dating:
5. How would he treat my children? (If your kids are good, no problem. If they are bad, like any other man, he will act as if he likes them to win you over but mentally he is beating them like piñatas)
4. What if people stare at us? (It is more common than you think. You are dating another race, not a farm animal. If they are staring, it could be his outfit choice.)
3. What if we are not compatible in bed? (Do what always works -- get through the evening, fake like you had a good time and then change your cell number.)
2. Could I take him with me to church? (Gauge his comfort level. You may want to start off with a quiet Methodist service and eventually work him up to an all-out, choir-singing, foot-stomping, shouting and speaking-in-tongues Pastor’s Anniversary Pentecostal Sunday Service.)
1. What if he wants to swim or touch my hair? (This response is universal, regardless of race: Look at him crazy and say, “Hell No.”)
So, enjoy yourselves during CIAA weekend, and color only with the black crayon if you wish, but remember: When the talent pool dries up again, you might want to consider coloring with one of the other 23 colors in your box…smile.
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