Professor Locs

Someone told me my hair line was receding. I told them that my hair was intimidated by my fierce eyebrows. My hair line will come back when it gets better self esteem....laugh.

Bomb Briefs

 ABC news revealed government photos showing the ripped and charred beige underpants of the 23-year-old Nigerian terrorist, Abdulmutallab, wore on his failed mission. 

This guy has taken the expression those briefs are the bomb to a whole new level.

This act starts a whole new level of fanaticism meets fashion in the terrorist world.

I have to wear boxers when I am flying because you do not want your eggs to crack on a long flight.

This guy not only was wearing tight briefs but had a bomb tucked under the family jewels....Ouch!!!

The other incredible act is the terrorist was able to get through security at several airport terminals undetected. 

It looks like condensation was the reason the detonator did not work. 

Millions of dollars in airport security and what deters the bomb threat, nothing but good old fashioned crotch sweat.  

Please check out my new Ask Me Anything section on the site.

Ask Professor Locs

Question:

Uh-ruh, when you gonna be on Night Desk duty again?

Answer: Due to budget restraints I and other managers were asked to cover the night desk.  I am not sure when I will be asked to cover the night desk. Although stimulating as it is I think I can do without the duty for awhile....laugh. 

You ever had any questions about being, Black, gay, southern, or just generally curious about something take advantage of my Ask Me Anything icon on the site.

Are You Smarter Than A 9th Grader?

My nephew asked me to help him with his algebra homework.  I figured I am a seasoned educator and taking doctorate classes, this should be a piece of cake. 

The equation was A= 1/2 bh.   If A is the triangle circumference of 60 solve for h. 

I had flashbacks of my high school Math class. I was in the 9th grade, short, skinny, jerry curl and sweating profusely at the chalkboard.

My Nazi, drill sargent and latent lesbian teacher Ms. Grey was shouting her usual rants from the back of the classroom.  I prayed that someone would play a Joan Baez record to distract ,but no dice.  To this day I get sweaty and anxious when short haired white women get loud. 

I stood there babbling and making absolutely no sense for about 10 minutes standing over my nephew.  I kept looking at the equation hoping some secret Disney animation would miraculously rearrange the elements until the answer was revealed followed by the requisite cartoon birds and various forest creatures dancing around us in celebration. 

My nephew finally says that if A=60 then h=30.  I stammered that yes he was exactly right.  I did not have the energy to ask him how he got his answer, as he seemed very confident and I did not want to reveal my absolute uselessness in the process. 

I retreated to safety away from the scary world of 9th grade Math, cue lightning flash, scary music and extreme close up of terror. I am apparently, when it comes to Algebra, not smarter than a 9th grader.....laugh. 

Check out my new Ask me Anything section of blog but maybe not an algebra equation. 

Ikea Cult

The after Christmas sale at Ikea is like people going to Mecca.  I do not know what I was thinking when I let my Sister talk me and my nephew into going to IKea the day after Christmas.  The parking lot was completely filled.  This is the Superbowl of shopping and not for the faint of heart.

We parked and caught a commuter plane from the next county to the actual store.   We were then herded through the maze of absolutely worthless items like a cow print wok and matching chopsticks.

This place is huge!  You may want to get a physical before a trip to Ikea because this no normal mall experience. I think I could have gotten to Philly in the same amount of time I clocked walking through that warehouse from hell.

The merchandising is ingenious.

You look up and find yourself at a bin filled with leopard print bamboo napkin holders and after mindlessly spending five minutes filling your bag you realize you do not have leopard print anywhere in your home nor do you have cloth napkins.

This is sensory overload on crack.  People bring their children because it's cheaper than Disneyland. 

All the furniture is low and tiny. I am 6'3" so I feel like I am perpetually in the baby section. 

We finally reached the finish line or check out, only to be objected to a sea of equally exhausted and dazed Ikea victims.  There was a map where you could show the in-store therapist the exact location where you had been visually molested.

I have included a pic from one store.  If you look very closely in the cloud formation, you can see an image of Jesus buying a polka dot egg beater.

Woman Pops the Pope

Pope Benedict XVI  was attacked during a Christmas Eve ceremony at the Vatican. Police in Italy say a mentally-disturbed female attacked the pope, as opposed to all the sane females that attack him every other Tuesday.  It is not like he is the Jonas Brothers or something. 

You can't take some people anywhere these days.

This would never happen to someone like Bishop T. D. Jakes. You would have to bum rush him with a smart car to even think about tipping him over.  His suit jackets alone weigh about 170 pounds.  So an attacker could never get enough leverage to do any real harm.

This woman is clearly an amateur.

Ask Professor Locs

How do you nicely send an email to your professor's boss about the lack of feedback you received from the class? And after the class is over he then tells you what you need to do to improve the paper and he then expects you to redo the paper in 2 days? Alease

Alease,

I would bullet point the correspondence bringing attention to why I thought his decision is not favorable. Give him until after the holidays to respond.

If you have not heard from the professor or their response is unfavorable then I would send another email forwarding all the historical correspondence to his supervisor and or the Dean.

Sometimes rich communication like an actual phone call may assist you in reaching your intended outcome. It is harder to say no in real time than in an email.

Good luck.

Professor Locs

Ask me Anything

Christmas Eve Early

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to All!

I just like staring at this guy.

So this is an early Christmas gift to me...laugh.  

Woman Threatens First Lady

Kristy Lee Roshia made numerous threats against the first family,including a threat against The First Lady, Michelle Obama.  Roshia threatened the First Lady on a phone call to a Boston Secret Service office.

She has made several crazy calls and has been monitored.

She obviously does not know who she is messing with and forgets that the first lady is from the South side of Chicago.  Michelle Obama would mess her up bad.  She thinks she is crazy the first Lady would show her what crazy is, rolling up on her house and family.

Imagine an updated version of Obsessed where instead of Beyonce doing the beatdown we have Michelle Obama bringing the heat.

I am up early getting ready for gym. It is Christmas Eve so I have to get my pump on in case I have to get physical at the store later.