Professor Locs

Guest Post: Confessions of a Black Girl

Hey Guys I wanted to share a post from one of my favorite people and bloggers.  Check out her work on Confessions of a Disillusioned Black Girl.    This is wonderful advice for holiday gatherings...lol.  

 

Thanksgiving protocol...

Ah, Thanksgiving.... A wonderful time to gather together with loved ones and friends and give thanks for all the things you have, reflect on the year and enjoy good food and good company. I thought it'd be only fitting to give some guidelines for next year to help make each and every Thanksgiving (or other family gathering) fun and free of social faux pas.

1. If you are in the immediate family of the one hosting the gathering, it is your responsibility to either: help cook the meal or assist with any of the final preparations (but only if you can cook), arrive early to assist with the set up - clean dishes, set up tables and chairs, etc. or stay late and assist with the clean up. The only exception to this rule is if the elders or the host tell you to get somewhere and sit down. In that case you should do as ordered.

2. If someone was there last year, but is not there this year, don't mention it. While this can be applied to any family member, this is most applicable to in-laws, girlfriends, boyfriends or fiances. Sometimes ignoring it can be the best thing. Trust me, some one pull you into a corner and get you in the loop later.

3. Be on time. If you're late, you'll be hungry. When the family says they are eating at 12, they mean it. Hands will be joined at 11:50 for prayer. Prayer will end at 11:59 and plates will be filled at 12. Whether you're there or not.

4. Wait until all people are sat and fed before you come back for seconds....Greedy....

5. Let the old people be old people. Let them argue with each other. Let them tell you 15 different ways to do one thing (which will ultimately not be what you were trying to do in the first place). Don't fight back. Don't disagree. Just nod your head and say yes mama, no sir and keep it moving. They've earned the right to be that way.

6. Just enjoy each other. Have fun, play some games, sit, talk, eat and reminisce. Time is fleeting. Enjoy the moments you have with each other while you can. 

 

Professor Locs Guest Host: The Satisfied Life 107.9 The Link

Hey guys join the fun as I guest host another week on The Satisfied Life, 107.9 The Link.  I had such a good time the first week.  This week, no joke, the subject is Hookers for Jesus and the increase in exorcism request.  This is great material!  

New Airport Security

Ramona Holloway approached me about being a guest host for the Sunday morning talk show, “The Satisfied Life,” on WLNK (107.9 --The Link). She had followed my work on Qcitymetro and thought I might be able to contribute an alternative voice to the show’s format. I was excited and honored for the opportunity.

We taped on Wednesday night and the show aired Nov. 21 from 7 a.m. to 8 a.m. We were given a list of topics we might discuss, including a 52-year-old Georgia megachurch pastor who came out to his congregation; the role of religion in airport screening; exorcism on the rise; and my personal favorite, Hookers for Jesus.

This was like Christmas in July for someone who loves to critique popular culture.

I was already following the new security measures that had been implemented, including the scanners and pat-downs, and due to time restraints, I did not get to voice my opinion on this subject when we taped. So I will share some of my views in this forum.

I know some of you are like, “Didn’t they already do pat downs at airport security?”

Yes, but the old school pat-down consisted of the back of the hand that grazed passengers. The new school is a much more intimate, open-handed search of ones personal space. Clutch the pearls, ladies, this also includes moving and lifting of the “girls.”

Is it just me, or is this what they used to call being felt-up back in the day?

Now, you not only get to retrieve your shoes, bag and what is left of your dignity, you also get a free session for a support group and a coloring book for your plane ride so you can color in the part of the life-like drawing where you were touched inappropriately.

Ramona, during the taping, gave an example of a woman whose religion forbids her from being seen by men outside her family.

This is a touchy subject. How much of our civil liberties are we willing to give up in the name of better security? Remember the underwear bomber? For all the high-tech security measures they had in place, it came down to a good old-fashion crotch sweat to save the day.

Are we being too squeamish? How is this any different than getting into some of the clubs in the hood? I know back in the day when I was doing the party circuit, it was common practice to get scanned and also patted down before they let you into some clubs. So if we are willing to do that for half-price cocktails, then certainly we can bare it for keeping a bomb off the plane.

I know this is stressful for some people, so for you guys who are traveling for the holidays, I offer Professor Locs’ Top 5 reasons to be concerned during an airport security check:

5. The guards are playing Prince’s “Erotic City” over the loudspeaker.

4. The security officer smiles up at you while patting your nether regions and ask if you are going commando.

3. You hear moaning and groans in the security officer next door.

2. You later find the security officer’s phone number in your bra.

1. They take you out of line for a more thorough search, but instead of the requisite stark room, you find an officer in a smoking jacket with lit candles and several small, airplane liquor bottles on ice.

You can watch the edited version of the show on my website www.professorlocs.com. The other co-hosts are participating remotely, so you will hear only Ramona and me in the video. The broadcast should have a link soon on the show’s website.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Professor Locs Guest Host: The Satisfied Life 107.9 The Link

Hey guys I am merging my alters....laugh.  Ramona Holloway contacted me through Q City Metro to Guest Host on the show The Satisfied Life.  I had a great time and look forward to hanging with them again soon.   

Facebook Preacher in Menage A Trois

Rev. Cedric Miller, a New Jersey preacher known for instructing his followers to give up their Facebook accounts because of the temptation.  Well guess who was not only tempted but showing out?

The minister admitted to having a 3 way that went on for some time.  The real freaky part is the tryst would happen on Wednesday night during Bible study and after church on Sundays.  

This guy took the Facebook concept of poking to a whole new level. 

Is it just me or have the ministers and spiritual leaders been off the chain lately.  I mean real pimps in the pulpit action.  

Hide your women, hide your boys cause they are freaking everybody in sight people. 

 

 

Guest Post: Confessions of a Black Girl

Hey guys I wanted to share a very funny post from a friend, colleague and fellow blogger.  Please visit her site Confessions of a Disillusioned Black Girl. 

Bathroom Protocol (For women)...

I've heard stories of appropriate bathroom etiquette for men, such as rules governing use of the urinal, making eye contact, looking, etc. I believe it is important for women to also have a set of rules governing what is and is not appropriate public restroom behavior. Here are a few things to keep in mind when using the women's public restroom (without giving away too many secrets or being too gross - we're all grown here).

1. No talking across the stalls.

I know many of us have a tendency to go to the restroom together. We have things to discuss, garments we need help shifting back to the right position, exit strategies to plan. However, once one enters the bathroom stall conversation should pause until said person returns to the sinks. This way one person does not have to shout to be heard and other ladies in the restroom do not have to be in your private conversations. For once, consider the stranger in the stall in between you and your friend. Trapped on the porcelain trying to handle business while you discuss why you busted the windows out of your boyfriends car last night. * Awkward*

2. Hang up the phone

This goes hand in hand with the no talking across the stalls rule. So aside from the keeping people out of your personal business aspect, we bring all kinds of purses, bags, sometimes cups, in to the restrooms with us. Not to mention the hover, hold skirt up, balance, dance that must take place. How do you have the hands to continue on with a conversation? At some point that phone gets contaminated. If not, you surely run the risk of dropping that thing in the bowl. Plus, it echos. You don't think the person on the other end knows you're in the bathroom. Just tell then you'll call them right back, stow the phone safely, and take care of business.

3. "If you sprinkle when you tinkle, please be neat and wipe the seat"

Do I need to explain more? Also, if you've gotten all kinds of make up residue in the sink after your afternoon touch up, wipe the sink off too. I know all public restrooms get cleaned by the janitors but they are people too. Be considerate.

4. Dump trash appropriately

If the trash cans are completely full, there is no reason for you to put your towel on the floor. Or the sink. I know your mother taught you that. Most of you anyway use the towel to open the door to get out. Just dump it in the next available trash receptacle and keep it moving. Once again janitors are there to do a job, they are not your maid.

5. Flush, damnit

I'm sure we've all be in a restroom that has a stall that just doesn't quite flush right. But here are a few things you may not know.

A) The toilets with the metal leavers that flush when you press the lever down, will also many times flush when you push the lever up, back or forward. So if pressing down doesn't work try another direction.

B) Automatic toilets ALL have a manual flush option. It's a little button on the back usually near the motion sensor. If it doesn't flush when you get up, just press the button.

Bottom line. Use your common sense, home training, and be courteous to the others who have to come after you.

 

 

Hot Guy of the Week

This week I found two hot guys. 

It is not always about the body but also a guys style and swagger that make him attractive. 

That is why I liked to feature these two stylish gents.  Enjoy!

Adventures in Teen Sitting

My sister had her high school reunion in Houston last weekend so I agreed to watch my nephew while she was away.

I looked forward to some bonding time, but she warned me that he had a constant flow of friends who came to the house. I am a seasoned educator; how hard could it be to watch a bunch of teenagers?

I packed my things that morning and headed up to Lake Norman around three that afternoon. I figured I would stop by the grocery store, pick up some things for dinner and, more important, get there early to catch my nephew and crew off guard.

I finished at the grocery store and rolled up on the house and rang the doorbell. My Sister had left a key, but my hands were full. I heard someone inside say: “I think it is your uncle.” The door opened and I recognized this as one of my nephew’s friends who looks like Justin Bieber and is a permanent fixture at my sister’s house.

I say hello and immediately feel like something is not quite right. I continue to the living room and my hunch was correct. There, in the living room, sat three young females.

“So who are you young ladies, and how do you know my nephew?” I asked. They sounded off their names, not that I was paying attention, and finished by saying they were just friends.

“Well it is not going to be too friendly in here right now,” I respond. “Do your parents know where you are and that you are in someone else’s home unsupervised with a group of young men, because I have been at work all day and do not have time for anyone at my door with any drama.”

My nephew finally came up from the basement with two more guys who looked like the Jonas Brothers.

“And who are you two?” I asked.

They respond, and again I am not paying attention but surveying the situation. I pull my nephew aside and tell him that I don’t know what I interrupted but it is getting dark and I am old school. These young ladies need to be home before dark.

“Don’t make me embarrass you in front of your company,” I warned.

I announced to the teens that I am about to start dinner and that they have an hour to socialize with the basement door open and that I had better hear some lively conversation or I am coming downstairs. I also tell them that I expect, at the end of the hour, that anyone with ovaries will vacant the premises and get home to her family. They all kind of looked at me sheepishly and descended the stairs to begin their teen stuff.

This was only the first afternoon, and already I had busted up some teen Sodom and Gomorrah action.

The evening commenced with just the Jonas Brothers and Justin Bieber staying overnight.

The teen communication model is fascinating. They would periodically come up from the basement like some nocturnal boy band and mumble incoherently with only one word clearly articulated: Mumble, mumble….”chips,” or mumble, grumble…“soda.”

I finished dinner and invited the boy band up to eat. One of them stated that they did not eat meat. I said there was tomato sauce in the pasta and whether they ate or not they were all going to clean up the kitchen because I was tired from working all day and cooking.

The next day I piled my nephew and the boy band into my SUV and started a day or errands. I quickly became aware that my weekend of bonding would be a weekend of chauffeuring and providing food. I drove them around to get haircuts, video games and dropped $30 later at Sonic. I finally dropped the crew off at every teen’s favorite spot -- the mall. I was one bumper sticker away from being a soccer Mom. How did I get here?

The weekend continued with me warding off females, keeping track of who was going in and out of the house and monitoring nighttime activity. There was a scary moment when we got low on groceries and I thought they were running a bath but noticed there were carrots and celery in the water and one of the Jonas brothers kept asking me how much I weighed. I hastily made my way to the grocery store before this turned into a Donner Party episode.

I got up early Sunday to leave, and my nephew came upstairs unescorted by any of the boy band members. I told him to respect the house until his mom got home and that I would check on him later. He gave me a hug and said “Thanks Unc for staying with me.”

I hugged this man-child and, although exhausted, I knew I would remember fondly my time with him and his friends ….smile.

Angry Woman Yells Racial Slurs At Mailman

The video was shot last year in Hingham, Massachusetts.  The video shows Erica Winchester yelling at a postal worker who legally could not take back a certified letter once it had been signed.  The confrontation escalates to the point where she begins to yell racial slurs at the post man.  

This woman also "once threatened a cop that she would 'chop off' his genitals after he arrested her for trespassing at a community theater rehearsal where she warned cast members they would 'get it with a machine gun,'" 

Sounds like someone needs some Xanax and anger management.  When did the elderly get so gangster? 

I love our postman.  We need to support them especially during catalog season.  

The irony of this story is that the postal worker was fired for taping the incident. 

I know postal workers  have mace for dogs but what do you use for angry old white women with salty dispostions?  

 

Little Wayne is Big Papa

Little Wayne who just fresh from being released from his last run in the with law was recently served a Paternity suit.  Little Wayne has four children from four different women.  

That is a whole lot of baby mama drama.  This would be his fifth child.  He seems to not only have a problem with staying out of trouble but commitment issues as well.

The grandmother is the one filing the suit.  I know it just gets stranger.

 Maybe Little Wayne needs to invest in some little rubbers to help him with his problem?