Pride and Prejudice: Why so many fear gay marriage?

Like many of you, I recently heard the news that New York’s state Senate passed the bill legalizing gay marriage, and Gov. Andrew Cuomo made it official and quickly signed the bill into law.

"This state, when it's at its finest, is a beacon for social justice," Cuomo said.

Social justice, indeed, I thought.

Many in the gay community found this decision to be even more poignant since it was made during the official month of gay prides everywhere. Gay pride events celebrate the historic 1969 Stonewall riots in New York's Greenwich Village, a historical moment that some say launched the gay rights movement.

Being the cultural observer that I am, I began to browse some of my more popular sites like TheAdvocate.com and TheRoot.com to see how people were responding to this landmark decision. No surprise that I found many from each camp polarized on the issue of gay marriage.

The gay community celebrated the decision and compared it to similar movements, such as the civil rights movement, as opposed to many in the African American community, usually religious zealots, who said the decision signified a decline in morality and was an attack on “traditional” families.

I have had passionate discussions with both camps.

I was a board member years ago for OutCharlotte, which required board members to be, well, out. I challenged that for minority gays, this was a very different experience.

The freedom to be openly gay is wrapped up in the freedom of having economic autonomy. If you live and work in a supportive community, that is one thing, but what happens when you must interact on a job or in a community that is not so accepting, like teaching at a HBCU?

I maintain that the Civil Rights Movement and gay rights are similar but different movements. I am immediately identified as black but, unless I am skipping down the street (Ok, there was pride in Atlanta one year), my sexuality is typically not questioned without me sharing that information.

Conversely, much of the opposition to gay marriage within the African American community comes from religious conservatives. The notion that gay marriage for African Americans will somehow add to the decline of moral values and the nuclear family is ridiculous.

Get a clue! Have you spent any time in an urban public school? We have youth with no respect for authority. Why? Mainly because many black youth are being raised by absent fathers and mothers who are becoming younger each year. Now add to the mix a staggering unemployment rate, an epidemic of black youth dropping out of school and an increasing number who find themselves behind bars. Yet we worry about two typically well-educated, fabulous, tax-paying and property-value-increasing individuals who want nothing more than the best lawn of the month and to enjoy the same basic civil rights as their neighbors.

When I browsed the comments section of African American websites like The Root, I found all too familiar biblical references and statements like, “hate the sinner, not the sin,” “marriage is between a man and woman,” “keep it to yourself,” and my personal favorite, “abomination.” I know; not very original but at least consistent.

I do not believe the law should force churches to begin hosting gay weddings, but I also believe religious ideology should not have a stake in something that is a civil rights issue.

I am a cultural critic and thus study the media, and I ask myself, what exactly are we protecting? We have turned courtship into reality television with shows like “The Bachelor.” We tune in with voyeuristic interest to witness the demise of marital bliss on shows like “Divorce Court.” You can get married at the drive-thru window in some Las Vegas chapels (biggie fries are extra). We have spiritual leaders who are caught up in more scandal than “The Real Housewives of Atlanta” during sweeps month. But the thought of two consenting adults wanting to celebrate their love and union scares the bejeezus out of people. Go figure.

According to divorerate.org, 40 percent to 50 percent of marriages will end in divorce if current trends continue. My partner and I have been together for more than 17 years. Our partnership has lasted longer than the marriages and relationships of any of my siblings’ and longer than many of my family’s and friends’. This commitment was done without a legal document or having it sanctioned by any governing body.

So some would argue, why do you need gay marriage?

We are committed to each other, but the concern for most gay couples is how that commitment is recognized and honored by society. Simply, we want our home and family protected like any other family and the right to be as legal and miserable as any other straight couple….smile. And if New York’s decision still bothers you, then to quote Whoopi Goldberg from “The View”: “If you are against gay marriage, then don’t marry a gay person.”

Comments

[MKChester]

Unfortunately, religion allows people to hide and maintain narrow minded opinions. I consider myself to be religions (which is a deeply personal thing to me) but realize I'm not put on this earth to judge anyone. The bottom line for me is that, in modern America, if anyone is not able to enjoy the rights and priviliges not afforded to others--then there's a problem.

[professorlocs]

Marty thank you for sharing. There is the assumption sometimes that gay people are not also religious. I myself grew up in a faith based home. But I do not agree with the rigid interpretation of doctrine that many religious conservatives follow. Thanks for keeping an open mind.

Professor Locs

[MKChester]

I agree, I don't think these people consider the spiritual struggle many go through on their way out of the closet.