I grew up attending many churches that were in the hood, but there seemed to be an understanding that the church and surrounding grounds were sacred. So even if a church was in the hood, the hood never entered the church.
Well, it seems those days are gone.
Services were pretty spirited recently at the New Welcome Baptist Church in St. Elmo, Ala. Folks were all up and shouting, but not because they were feeling the Spirit; these church members were in an intense scuffle that ended with the pastor being Tasered. I have heard of ministers giving an electrifying sermon, but never one that was electrocuted…lol.
Simone Moore, a former Alabama senate candidate and R&B singer, decided to Taser pastor Daryl Riley in the midst of a heated church brawl.
Moore was minister of music at New Welcome but was being relived from his duties. He claimed that the church owed him money and brought a Taser to settle the score.
This has all the markings of one of those cheesy gospel stage plays.
“Coming soon to the Bojangles Coliseum: You followed the drama in the news, but you have not seen holy hijinks until you’ve seen the play everyone is talking about -- “My Arms May Be Too Short To Box With God, But I Will Taser Your Butt Until It Shines Brighter Than This Little Light Of Mine.”
Just when you thought this church drama could not get any more bizarre, the pastor and minister of music were not the only ones involved. According to Moore’s mother, tension between the two men had been building up over time. She said, “Last Sunday, Simone didn't take the Lord's Supper from him. And he was hot about that. Well, you can't make nobody take the Lord's Supper, communion, if they don't want to take it.”
She is correct I think church members have the same autonomy as most restaurants where you can refuse service to anyone including but not restricted to communion, alter prayers and exorcisms.
Ms. Moore went on to explain that she, too, was attacked. “I said, 'Oh, my god; he done cut me!’” Now that is something you don’t hear often in church. According to investigators, Harvey Hunt, a deacon, wanted some of the action and took out a pocketknife and started slashing at people.
Ms. Moore stated, “I didn't do anything to him. When I told him what he did to my son he came at me, deliberately cut me.” Whoa! Sound like someone has some unresolved issues from the church voting down a new barbeque pit for the deacon board’s annual pork fest and fundraiser…lol.
This is just a hot mess, people. Have we really sunk to such a level where folks are being cut and Tasered at church?
I know this is disturbing for some of you, so to help you in your assessment of possible places of worship, I offer Professor Locs’ Top Five signs a church may be ghetto fabulous:
5. The Parking Lot ministry is not just directing traffic but checking each vehicle for license and registration.
4. You notice that late members are scanned and patted down before they are allowed to enter the sanctuary.
3. Instead of the usual crackers and grape juice, communion is done with pork skins and Purple Passion Alize.
2. You try and place a check in the collection plate but are first asked to produce two forms of ID.
1. The ushers have an unorthodox way of dealing with shouters. Instead of the usual gentle hand, you notice people are being pimp-slapped out of their holy hollering.
I believe the lyric goes, “We have come into this house, gathered in his name, to worship him,” not to cut one another…lol. Please, share your church ghetto fabulous signs.
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