I struggled with whether I had the energy to address recent news reports, including one here on Qcitymetro.com, that discussed the black church and its response to Amendment One, which would impose a constitutional ban on gay marriage in North Carolina. I struggled with whether I, yet again, should open myself to rejection and criticism.
Then I remembered an Audre Lorde quote I read as an undergraduate: “When we speak we are afraid our words will not be heard or welcomed. But when we are silent, we are still afraid. So it is better to speak.”
So, in that spirit, let me share some thoughts.
My grandfather was a minister and both my parents were raised in the church. Although neither was fanatical, I grew up in a strong, faith-based environment.
I always knew that something about me was different, and I finally embraced my sexuality in college. I experienced a sense of liberation, validation and wholeness that had been absent from my life. This was short lived, though, because I immediately begin to experience the “Brother Outsider” syndrome.
My sexuality put me at odds with many in my community and even some in my family. Because I was an African-American gay man, all of a sudden certain aspects of my life were suspect -- my manhood, my blackness and, yes, even my faith.
The reality is that gay folks have always existed in the black church, as long as there has been a black church. Like many gay or progressive straight folks who grew up in the church, I find it frustrating that many in the black community cannot see similarities between the oppression used to subjugate gays and the oppression used to subjugate other minority groups.
I have heard it said that the gay rights movement is not like the Civil Rights Movement: “People don’t know you are gay, but they do know that I am black,” or so the argument goes.
Yes, the two movements are different. But should we not have empathy when any community is oppressed? I don’t need breasts to empathize with women in their fight for economic and social equality, and not just empathize but advocate and support their struggle, because it is the right thing to do.
I get that folks want to honor their religious beliefs. But I also know that in a democratic, pluralistic society, we must not use our own religious dogma to deny others their basic civil liberties. The gay and lesbians communities are not demanding the right to "marriage" so much as the right to have some form of legal recognition of our unions.
Hello, is anyone else feeling a sense of déjà vu here? These same anti-gay-marriage tactics used to whip religious conservatives, including some black Christians, into a frenzy to help get former President George W. Bush re-elected.
Aside from restricting gay marriage (which is already prohibited under North Carolina law), Amendment One also would take away legal protection for civil unions or domestic partnerships. And by the way, folks, those don’t apply only to gay people.
I would like for the African American community, especially it’s spiritual leaders, to be a lot more discerning about who is courting them to support this amendment. When the dust clears, will it make our communities stronger? No, we'll still have high unemployment, rising health care costs, a repressed economy, another season of Basketball Wives and mounting international conflicts.
Exactly what is the black church protecting? Divorce rates are higher than ever, even among African Americans. We have a significant number of African American women raising children alone. And we have created a culture that trivializes the so-called sanctity of marriage with reality television. (How you doing, Kim Kardashian?)
Let’s bring this discussion closer to home. What if your child, sister, brother, mother or best friend were in love and told you they were the happiest they had ever been? Imagine that you had an opportunity to not engage them in a religious discussion but to support them in the most basic way to ensure that they, their loved ones, family and property received the same legal protections that all other Americans enjoy.
Ask yourself: If it hit that close to home, could you with all the Christian love in your heart still vote for something that would deny them basic civil liberties?
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