We Love Our Gay Dog

So my partner and I were watching television the other night when we came across a news story about a man who put his dog in a kill shelter because he thought the animal was gay. WTH?

I had to get more on this story, so I went online. According to reports, the Jackson, Tenn., resident signed over his male pit bull/American bulldog mix because the dog humped other male dogs.

Well stop the presses. I guess that makes almost any dog gay.

I have heard about parents freaking out when they find out their child is gay and even going to the extreme of kicking them out of the house. I have had to mentor several young gay people who endured such experiences, but what moron tries to put down a dog because he thinks it’s gay?

This might take some of you folks over the edge, especially those who think being gay is a choice, but Psychology Today reports that animals can be gay and that dogs will sometimes mount each other to express dominance, just for play or because they are nervous or excited. I could make a gay guy comparison here but that would be too easy…lol.

Thankfully, there was such an uproar over the possibility that this handsome dog would be put down that someone started a Facebook campaign on its behalf. That’s when a woman named Stephanie Fryns came to its rescue.
The Jackson Rabies Control agency said Fryns adopted the dog Thursday morning. It was scheduled to be euthanized at 1 p.m. that day. Talk about a close save.

I know I travel in different circles, but I don’t see the problem. We have always had gay dogs. Our boxer, Trinity, is a fiercely proud lesbian. What better person to protect our home than a strapping lesbian boxer with male authority issues?

We have a running monologue about her life as a lesbian: She frequents The Thirsty Beaver on Central Avenue, which in Trinity’s world is a lesbian bar. She hangs out most nights with her girl pack Pickles and Marge, who is a bartender. Trinity has even been known to get into bar fights and has a weakness for strippers. So needless to say, we are comfortable with our gay dog and would not have it any other way.

I know none of you would be so callous as to disown your dog because it was gay, but if you suspect your pooch is a bit more precious than most, I offer Professor Loc’s Top 5 signs your dog might be gay:

5. Your girl Whippet lifts her legs instead of squatting like a lady.

4. Your Great Dane steals and hoards your daughter’s Barbie dolls instead of socks.

3. Your beagle howls gleefully whenever he hears Barbara Streisand or Cher on the radio.

2. Your Doberman suddenly starts flashing pink toe nail polish.

1. You find a current issue of “Rough Mutts” under your bulldog Bruno’s pet bed.

If you see such signs, do not be alarmed. There are many agencies and support groups to help you understand your gay pet. Just remember, they are still your pets and you should love them unconditionally.